Hi everyone,

I’m debating whether or not to continue this blog. It’s supposed to be a travel blog, although I’m definitely not using it for that purpose. Are you okay with that or would you like more events and less drama? If there’s anything you’d like me to talk about, or any question you’d like me to answer, just let me know. I reckon I should focus more on you and not so much on myself. There are more interesting things than my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to ask anything you want.

Now watch me as I completely discard that paragraph. I’ve been here for over 2 months, which means I’m almost halfway through. Honestly, going back is the last thing I want to think about. Sure, there are a few people that I’m dying to see again, but other than that, I don't want to leave. My life will be exactly the same as before I left, and I’m not quite sure if I’m ready for that. That, and I’ll probably bore people by telling the same stories over and over again. I apologise in advance.

One of the hardest things is looking at photos my friends send me during their lunch breaks or during weekends. They’re all still doing the same things day after day, nothing changed for them. I used to be a part of that. That’s where the jealousy kicks in. And that’s when I’m glad this isn’t permanent. Or when someone is having a bad day, and all I want to do is give them a big hug and tell them it’s all gonna be okay, yet all I can do is type “I’m sorry, man,” because I have the social skills of a fucking lamp. Then I listen to music that makes me think of those people, while I try and think of something to say that can maybe make them feel a little bit better.

Anyway, no school for the next 2.5 weeks. Easter holidays. We’ve got a few trips planned, so it’s gonna be awesome. Oh, and I will try and get up around 3-4 am so I can watch you all being talented at the Muzada. I’ll probably get sad because 1) I can’t be there, and 2) I’m not talented enough to do anything. Sounds like the perfect way to start a new day. Probably not a good idea to get up that early, but bad decisions are what make life fun.

This trip is one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. Now I get what they meant when they said not everyone is mentally mature enough to do this. I’m not even sure I am. It’s fantastic most of the time, but there are moments where I think this is the worst decision ever. Mostly late at night, or when a friend talks about something they went to. It’s all worth it, though. I need to keep telling myself that, because it really is. Definitely. But it’s difficult to see my friends having fun and spending time together, while I can’t. And sometimes, when you realise that, you just want to be home. You just want to be back in your comfort zone, with your best friend sitting on the floor with you, your mum in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, and your dad in the living room, falling asleep in front of the TV. (And your brother in his room, laughing his ass off because of some dumb joke he read on the internet).

And then you know it’s time to get your lazy ass out of bed, stop feeling sorry for yourself, have a shower and get dressed. It’s stupid to let those things get to you, since it’s only a small part of the overall experience. And that’s when you spend the rest of the day all happy and excited because you’re so lucky. You’re so lucky that you can actually experience all of this and you still can’t believe it. Jealousy and the fact that you can’t do shit when people you care about feel down are the not so fun parts. Or at night, because there’s so much happening that you just don’t know how to deal with it all. That’s when you let it all out, because you can’t think rationally and you don’t think about the next day, and how you will spend said day apologising to your friend because you were so ‘stupid’ and because you really didn’t mean to bother them.

Talking to me every single day must be such a shot in the dark. My mood is so unpredictable that I can just imagine you cross your fingers and whisper to yourself “Please be fun, please be fun.” The bad moods happen at least 5 times a month. You’ll just have to deal with it, though. I’m really sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I really am trying to change, but it takes time. I’ll get there eventually, so you’ll have to be patient with me. First I have to learn to go to sleep or get up the second I start to get upset. Even though it’s so tempting to keep talking and ranting because I know you care. I know you won’t tell me to shut up. I choose my friends wisely. You’re amazing and I can’t thank you enough. Being away from you really makes me appreciate you even more.

Today was interesting. Kiana and I spent 4 hours at the hairdresser’s. Yeah, I wish I was kidding. I got a haircut and a manicure.I know, don’t judge.I figured I might as well. And now my nails are green and sparkly. What can I say? This trip is all about change. No one's gonna recognise me when I get back.

That’s all, enjoy your weekend,

Laura