Quantum

Hi everyone,

I’m debating whether or not to continue this blog. It’s supposed to be a travel blog, although I’m definitely not using it for that purpose. Are you okay with that or would you like more events and less drama? If there’s anything you’d like me to talk about, or any question you’d like me to answer, just let me know. I reckon I should focus more on you and not so much on myself. There are more interesting things than my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to ask anything you want.

Now watch me as I completely discard that paragraph. I’ve been here for over 2 months, which means I’m almost halfway through. Honestly, going back is the last thing I want to think about. Sure, there are a few people that I’m dying to see again, but other than that, I don't want to leave. My life will be exactly the same as before I left, and I’m not quite sure if I’m ready for that. That, and I’ll probably bore people by telling the same stories over and over again. I apologise in advance.

One of the hardest things is looking at photos my friends send me during their lunch breaks or during weekends. They’re all still doing the same things day after day, nothing changed for them. I used to be a part of that. That’s where the jealousy kicks in. And that’s when I’m glad this isn’t permanent. Or when someone is having a bad day, and all I want to do is give them a big hug and tell them it’s all gonna be okay, yet all I can do is type “I’m sorry, man,” because I have the social skills of a fucking lamp. Then I listen to music that makes me think of those people, while I try and think of something to say that can maybe make them feel a little bit better.

Anyway, no school for the next 2.5 weeks. Easter holidays. We’ve got a few trips planned, so it’s gonna be awesome. Oh, and I will try and get up around 3-4 am so I can watch you all being talented at the Muzada. I’ll probably get sad because 1) I can’t be there, and 2) I’m not talented enough to do anything. Sounds like the perfect way to start a new day. Probably not a good idea to get up that early, but bad decisions are what make life fun.

This trip is one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. Now I get what they meant when they said not everyone is mentally mature enough to do this. I’m not even sure I am. It’s fantastic most of the time, but there are moments where I think this is the worst decision ever. Mostly late at night, or when a friend talks about something they went to. It’s all worth it, though. I need to keep telling myself that, because it really is. Definitely. But it’s difficult to see my friends having fun and spending time together, while I can’t. And sometimes, when you realise that, you just want to be home. You just want to be back in your comfort zone, with your best friend sitting on the floor with you, your mum in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, and your dad in the living room, falling asleep in front of the TV. (And your brother in his room, laughing his ass off because of some dumb joke he read on the internet).

And then you know it’s time to get your lazy ass out of bed, stop feeling sorry for yourself, have a shower and get dressed. It’s stupid to let those things get to you, since it’s only a small part of the overall experience. And that’s when you spend the rest of the day all happy and excited because you’re so lucky. You’re so lucky that you can actually experience all of this and you still can’t believe it. Jealousy and the fact that you can’t do shit when people you care about feel down are the not so fun parts. Or at night, because there’s so much happening that you just don’t know how to deal with it all. That’s when you let it all out, because you can’t think rationally and you don’t think about the next day, and how you will spend said day apologising to your friend because you were so ‘stupid’ and because you really didn’t mean to bother them.

Talking to me every single day must be such a shot in the dark. My mood is so unpredictable that I can just imagine you cross your fingers and whisper to yourself “Please be fun, please be fun.” The bad moods happen at least 5 times a month. You’ll just have to deal with it, though. I’m really sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I really am trying to change, but it takes time. I’ll get there eventually, so you’ll have to be patient with me. First I have to learn to go to sleep or get up the second I start to get upset. Even though it’s so tempting to keep talking and ranting because I know you care. I know you won’t tell me to shut up. I choose my friends wisely. You’re amazing and I can’t thank you enough. Being away from you really makes me appreciate you even more.

Today was interesting. Kiana and I spent 4 hours at the hairdresser’s. Yeah, I wish I was kidding. I got a haircut and a manicure.I know, don’t judge.I figured I might as well. And now my nails are green and sparkly. What can I say? This trip is all about change. No one's gonna recognise me when I get back.

That’s all, enjoy your weekend,

Laura

Words

Hi everyone,

This is something I need to write for myself. For future reference, perhaps? If you like it, that’s great. And if you don’t, that’s fine. I’m not here to judge you. This is mainly for myself, so don’t take this the wrong way and think I’m trying to tell you how to live your life. Remember when I told you I wanted to come back as a better person? Well, I’m still trying to figure out how to achieve that. What I need to do first is become a better person for myself. If I can’t accept myself, who will? I shouldn’t have to change for anyone. This is why I’m telling you right now that I want to change for no one but myself. If I don’t, I will always try and find new flaws and new reasons to feel sorry for myself. I will keep talking myself down in bad moods and drag along those who decided that I was worthy enough to spend their precious time and energy on and try to help me. It’s selfish, really. This is where all of that ends. From now on, my main emotion is happy.

How to be happy, you ask? In theory, it’s really simple: Decide every morning that you are in a good mood. That’s it. That’s the key to happiness. Wake up with one positive thought and hold onto that thought for the entire day. What always gets me is that I get really upset when someone important to me isn’t happy. Have you ever tried to cheer up a really good friend? It’s hard, isn’t it? And it’s so damn frustrating when they just brush you off or say they’re not as amazing as you think they are. Trying to cheer up a friend whom you adore is so difficult, it’s like trying to convince the sun of its own warmth. If you could see yourself the way I see you, you’d never think badly of yourself ever again.

That makes me wonder why I’m so stupid. Why do I say that? Because that’s exactly what I do. I can’t accept compliments and I always try to find a way to talk myself down. Why do I do that? What’s the purpose? How does that make anything better? You see, I did it again. I talked myself down, called myself stupid. I’m not stupid. I’m just trying to figure out who I am, and most importantly, who I want to be. And I will stop calling myself stupid, or pathetic, or dumb, or annoying even. Because I’m not any of that. My actions sometimes are, yes, and so are my thoughts. But never me as a person. Even when I think I am, I’m really not. I should never feel stupid because I felt something I didn’t want to feel. That doesn’t make me stupid, it makes me human. Even right now, it takes everything in me not to say I’m annoying by just writing this.

I’m gonna stop feeling sad for no reason at all. And if you do talk to me while I’m sad without a valid reason, I hereby give you permission to tell me to get the fuck over myself and smile. After all, I only make things worse for myself. I really am my own worst enemy. Self-acceptance will get you anywhere. I’m not as bad as I think I am. And I’m probably a better person than you think I am. If you’re not sure of that, you might want to try and get to know me. Really get to know me. Ask someone who really knows me what I’m like with no one else around.

Life is all about doing fun things with fun people. Do you ever just think of someone and immediately get really happy because their mere existence is a source of happiness to you? Surround yourself with similar people. Hang out with someone who randomly gives you compliments. People who decide to compliment you just to see you smile are very important. Let go of the negativity in your life. You don’t need any of those things. What you do need is to find something that will never fail to make you smile. To hell with those who won’t let you enjoy those things. Nothing hurts if you don’t let it.

Ask people to talk about something they’re passionate about. It’s one of the most satisfying things you can do. Pay attention. Watch the light that enters their eyes when they start talking about something they love. The little arm gestures they make, that genuine and amazing smile that slips onto their face when they realise someone’s listening. Enthusiastic and passionate people are the most precious human beings on this earth and I wish more people were like that. Do yourself a favour and watch them talk. It will brighten your day.

Don’t read this and think you’re not allowed to be sad. Of course you are. You are allowed to feel things. And please, don’t ever listen to people who tell you that you can’t be sad because there are so many people that have it worse than you. That’s such a shitty thing to say. Just think about it. They’re basically saying that no one’s allowed to be happy because there will always be someone who has it better. No, just don’t do it. Telling people there are kids starving in Africa will not make the sadness go away either. It will only make them feel worse. Do not mock a pain you haven’t endured. You’re allowed to be sad. But please, whatever you do, don’t suffer in silence. It’s okay to let people know how you feel, it’s okay to cry. You don’t have to be strong. Not even if your parents tell you that boys don’t cry. A big ‘fuck you’ to gender roles and just let it all out. It’s okay. Neither being male or female comes with terms and conditions.

Don’t settle for something that does not make you happy. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it. Do what you love. If you’re not happy, change something. It doesn’t have to be something big. Get a haircut, choose a different colour nail polish, pet your dog, talk to your cat, make art, go for a walk, listen to classical music, or ask your friend to come over and sit on the floor with you. Anything.

The reason why I’m writing this is because I don’t want to waste my life thinking everyone secretly hates me. I only trust a handful of people, and I realise that’s not healthy. I need to sit back and remind myself that not everyone I let in is going to hurt me. It’s starting to become a problem when I’m so focused on myself and how terrible I think I am, that I don’t even believe anyone who tells me otherwise. Why and how people put up with me is a question I ask myself every day. That has to change. I want to feel worthy of their time. I don’t want to decide not talking to certain people because I don’t feel like I’m worth their time. I want them to think I’m a good friend and I want them to actually enjoy talking to me and spending time with me. I don’t want to be a burden and I don’t want to feel like I’m annoying or bothering them every time I talk about my feelings. I don’t want to be afraid that they’re not telling the entire truth. I shouldn’t be afraid. They’re still there, so I must be doing something right.

Low self-esteem isn’t gonna solve anything. And worrying people because of it definitely isn’t worth it. With only 4.5 months left, I have every reason to push myself to the limit and become exactly the person I want to be. The best version of myself I can possibly be and the best of humanity to others. Standing up for what I believe in and never letting anything get me down. And lastly, give more and expect less. Some people never follow the script, but that only makes it more valuable when they do say something you wanted them to say.

No one can live your life like you can. Even at your worst, you are incredible.

Enjoy your day and give it all you’ve got,

Laura

Spores

Hi everyone,

It’s been ages, I know. I just didn’t necessarily feel like socialising with my fellow earthlings. I did spend quite a lot of time with the cats, though. I’m doing great right now. Just because I don’t talk much, does not mean I’m unhappy. Every now and then I just need time to myself, focus on my thoughts and decide whether or not they’re worth thinking about. So please don’t for a second think I’m unhappy. If anything, it can’t get much better than this. Being here is amazing. Sometimes I just look at a tree and be like “Holy shit, I’m looking at an Australian tree right now. It’s so pretty. This is so cool.” I’m not even kidding. It’s sad, really. I feel like a little kid again. I get up early every single day and I get excited over the most ordinary things. Guess I’m finally acting my height.

We went to Sydney a few weeks ago, which was awesome. I enjoyed it a lot. The harbour is pretty impressive, the city itself not so much. Andy and I walked up the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the view was amazing. On the ferry, there were a few people speaking Dutch and I was really surprised because I could understand them. Genuinely surprised. It took me way too long to realise that Dutch is, in fact, my first language. By the way, have you guys noticed that I posted some photos of the trip on this blog? Anyway, we went back to the Prom last week. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that place. Photos will be up soon. Oh, and after the Prom we went to a Glen Hansard concert. So cool. He's amazing. And we actually met him after the show.

Also, school is more fun. I’m starting to tolerate the group I’m in and I’m talking more. And by talking I mean making sarcastic remarks. Being myself completely around them isn’t gonna happen, so I might as well confuse the shit out of them. Cause let’s be honest here, no one is gonna be able to handle the stuff I do and/or say on a regular basis. They won’t accept it, it’s that easy. The friends I have at home are just special, in the nicest way possible. Thanks for putting up with my shit, guys.

Even though I haven't written anything in weeks, I still don't know what to write about. How does that even happen? Okay, let me just tell you something then. There are times when I think about all the things I'm missing out on. The upcoming Muzada, for example. Oh, I wish I could be there. It's always so much fun just seeing everyone enjoy themselves and have a good time. That's what I like. Seeing my friends laugh and be happy, and actually be a part of it. I did realise something, though. It's not me who's missing out on anything. It's you. You are all missing out on the things I do here. I get to live with wonderful, fun people and I get to see amazing things every day. I've seen places you dream about at night.

Look at me being all positive and shit. And now I don't know what to write again. How does that even work? There's so much happening that I don't even know how to put it into words. I don't care what you say, I'm on a 6 month holiday. This must be so boring to read, I can't even imagine. It really feels like this is my new life and that I'm never coming back. But I will be back in a few months. So weird to think about. I'm not even sure what to think of that. Better have fun and enjoy my time while it lasts.

So how are you all doing? Enjoying your classes? If not, you should. School changed me. My hair was down for the majority of the day. Yes, I know what you're thinking. But what can I say, I'm a rebel. Ah man, this is sad. That's pretty much as bad as it's gonna get. And, you know, smoking pot on school campus. You get expelled for that. Yep, that's right. God doesn't like weed.

That's it for today. Read: I'm giving up. I wish I could write properly. That would be awesome. Ah well, I've got other talents. Can't think of any right now, but I'm sure I have at least one.

Bye everyone, enjoy your day. Enjoy your weekend. I hope you find 20 bucks on the ground.

Laura

Raised

Hello humans,

Life is all fun and games until you reread your old blog posts. Not fun. Definitely not fun. Turns out I was just really tired. I’m feeling a lot better now. My apologies to those I have talked to in the past couple of days. Note to self: Sleep more, you idiot.

Friday’s assembly was fun. Once a fortnight. Great. Well, at least I got a senior badge. No idea what for, but I reckon I can sell it on eBay. And by that, I obviously mean keeping it as a memory. Assembly wasn’t that bad, though. I basically made fun of the entire thing with the guy sitting next to me. His name is Tom. He seems nice, I like him. He’s one of the nicest students I’ve met so far. He’s in my homeroom. He and Halen are pretty much the only people who’re trying to get to know me, which is appreciated. Cause, you know, my country doesn’t define who I am as a person. I know, shocking, right? There’s more to me than clogs and cheese.

Today we went to the family reunion. It was Annette’s side of the family, so it was very Italian. I’ve never felt so tall. I’m not even kidding. Even without the heels I would’ve felt tall. Yes, I bought heels for the occasion. Only $10, so you can all be jealous. So yeah, I wore those, and the dress I bought last week. Was it last week? I can’t remember. Anyway, back to the subject. Annette’s family is really nice, but the whole thing wasn’t really my cup of tea. But hey, at least I looked presentable. That, and the food was good. Oh, and Andy gave us wine to make it through the afternoon. Thanks, Andy. Good parenting.

I had a lovely video chat with a friend yesterday. It was really nice, it was good to hear his voice again and see him act like an idiot. As usual. I sure enjoyed myself. So thanks lovely, you’re awesome.

It’s that time of the year again, huh? Carnival. Getting drunk and dressing up, not necessarily in that order. And you don’t even have to go to school this week. What a time to be alive. Just try not to die and don’t do anything that puts you in jail. Jail isn’t fun. Jail doesn’t have Wi-Fi. Not worth it, guys.

I’m not gonna Skype my parents this weekend, which makes me feel like the worst daughter ever. But I don’t need to talk to them every week, right? Right?! The face that I feel the need to explain myself is just plain stupid. This also means I haven’t spoken Dutch all week. That’s the good life, right there. Some guy made fun of me for not liking Dutch. Apparently you’re not allowed to dislike your own language.

Life’s great over here. It really does feel like this is my home. Time goes by way too quickly. A lot can happen in just a few weeks. It’s good. More than good. I chose wisely. It was definitely worth the sleepless nights.

I hope you’re all doing well. Have fun this week. Make it a good one. Do remarkable things. If possible, not while drunk. But it’s your life, so don’t mind me.

Bye guys,

Laura

Shadow

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update. I went hiking the other day and I may or may not have skipped school. I normally don’t go with strangers but when I do, I try not to get murdered. Annette trusted her, though, so it’s all good. No axes or knives involved, just a car and a snake bite kit.

That park is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. It’s called the Prom. Or well, it’s actually called Wilsons Promontory, but Australians are seemingly unable to pronounce full names. My theory is that they don’t want to make their sentences too long, because then they might forget to throw in a few swear words. Just for the hell of it. Never ask them to explain anything if you don’t like swearing. Don’t ever let them describe people they don’t like. If you don’t mind swearing, go right ahead, it’s fun.

Speaking of things that are fun. If you ever go to an English-speaking country, make them pronounce Dutch words. Words such as ‘gefeliciteerd’ or ‘afstandsbediening’ are highly recommended.

Anyway, back to the subject. The park is amazing. Everything is green. Everything but the trees. They are still black from the fires, and not even the recent ones. We saw a kookaburra, a few parrots and even wallabies. I have to go back there some day. It was so nice and we didn’t even go to the beach. I’m definitely bringing my camera next time, even though I know the photos won’t ever be as incredible as seeing it with your own eyes. And besides, the photos won’t even have the lovely scent of eucalyptus trees. Disappointing.

In other news, I do feel like I’m changing, both mentally and physically. And with 5 more months left, who knows what I’ll be like when I get back. The past 4 weeks have made me see the value of friendship. How important it is to stay in touch with people, and just how much you can miss someone even though you still get to talk to them every single day. It’s strange how someone’s physical absence can make such a difference.

And let me tell you, I would change it if I could. It’s all part of the experience, I get that. But it also makes me feel like the most clingy and needy person to ever walk this earth. How to lose a friend in just a few easy steps. 1) Rant. Ranting is probably the quickest way to annoy and/or bother your victim. 2) Only talk about yourself, drown in self-pity. 3) Make them feel guilty for being on the other side of the damn planet. 4) Get upset and/or jealous when they don’t talk to you for 2 seconds, or when they mention hanging out with other people. 5) Don’t believe them when they tell you they miss and/or love you. (Also, I'm one of those horrible people that needs the constant reassurance that they do, indeed, feel that way). 6) Tell them you love/miss them so often that it doesn’t even sound like the truth anymore. 7) Complain, a lot. 8) Basically, talk about your own pathetic feelings and completely ignore theirs.

Life tip: Don’t do any of it. Just don’t. You will regret it, which only causes you to rant even more. Never-ending circle, right there. It’s just not worth it.

Well, that was fun.

Sleep well, enjoy your day, smile, and give your boss or teachers a hard time,

Laura

My ego isn't that big

Hi everyone,

It’s official; I need to start hanging out with the guys more. I’ve met more people today – all girls – and I realised we just don’t share the same interests. Besides, I feel like a 12 year old. People kept introducing me to others, saying ‘Oh yeah, she finds it a bit difficult to find friends.’ Thanks for making me sound pathetic, guys. News flash: I’m not entirely antisocial. Not my fault people don’t want to talk to me. It’s their loss, really. They probably feel intimidated by my dashing personality. Meh, can’t say I blame them.

A few people asked me what school here is like. I’d say it’s similar to hugging a cactus. Nah, it’s actually quite nice. The level is a bit lower, as I’ve told you before. I don’t mind that one bit. The answers to the homework questions are literally in the text. You don’t need to know any background information, it’s great. The teachers are pretty relaxed, which is awesome. I really like my English/Literature teacher and my History teacher is pretty cool as well. He definitely makes the subject more enjoyable.

We normally leave the house around 8:30 am to catch the bus. Pretty weird, considering it’s only 3.5k away. But hills. Hills aren’t fun. I will try and cycle to school one day. But today is not that day. The first bell rings around 8:55 am. It’s the most annoying school bell in the history of annoying school bells. We then go to Homeroom. That’s basically like the lovely weekly hour we Dutch people know as ‘Begeleidingsuur’. But instead of one hour a week, it’s about 10 minutes each day. 5 mins before the 1^st period, and 5 minutes after 5^th period.

One period here is 60 minutes. Yes, really. It’s not that bad, though, considering there are only 5 periods a day. There’s a 10 day timetable, which can be confusing at times. I keep forgetting whether it’s week 1 or 2. Two periods, then recess till 11:30 am, then another two periods, lunch till 2:15 pm, and the last period. No one really cares when you come in late. I got lost a couple of times in the first week. You can’t blame me, there are too many buildings. So unnecessary. But I don’t get lost anymore now. Go me.

The subjects I have include: English, History, Legal Studies (Aussie ‘Maatschappijleer’), Literature, Geography, Studio Art and Religion (It’s like Levo, but not as fun). In retrospect, I should’ve chosen Psychology. Too late now, unfortunately.

The one thing I should do more is write in my notebook. I haven’t written anything in days. Not the smartest idea, since there are so many things happening that I can’t remember even half of it. Sure, I write the main things on this blog, but I try not to mention any names and details. Simply because I don’t feel comfortable with you knowing everything about me. Many people tell me that they feel like they’re getting to know me better by reading my posts. I do have to admit that’s one of the reasons why I signed up for this blog thing. Sure, it makes me feel extremely vulnerable, but I did say I wanted to change. This is just another step to achieving that. This is me being open, instead of putting up walls.

And that’s basically it for today. The feeling I mentioned last time about missing people is pretty much gone now. I mean, I still miss them, but not as much. Of course, there’s always an exception. Not fun. If I could, I’d write and send a letter every day. It’s still better than I’d imagined it to be, though. I’m not so afraid of people leaving me anymore. Things won’t change that much.

Oh, change of plans. I may have found someone to hang out with. Her name is Georgie and she’s actually the first student from school I met. I can’t believe that was only 3 weeks ago, it feels like ages. She already seemed lovely back then. We don’t have any classes together, which is why we never hung out before. I’m looking forward to talking to her more.

Today was a really good day for multiple reasons. Enjoy your day at school or elsewhere.

Have fun,

Laura

Stuff

Hi everyone,

As you may have noticed, I’ve been gone for 3 weeks now. Right now, I’m up to the point where I’m starting to miss more people than just one. It’s strange. A part of me feels bad that it took me three weeks, but I reckon I’ve never been one to miss people that easily. I’m alright, though. I can handle it, it’s nothing too bad.

School’s still the same. I don’t mind going at all. It’s only 5 periods a day anyway. I have yet to find someone I can be myself with. But I will, eventually. Might take me a while, but that’s okay.

In general, life’s pretty great. We saw a koala and a snake the other day. I’ve been told they’re kinda boring and stupid, but I’m still in my ‘koalas are cool’ phase. Mainly because we’ve got nothing in the Netherlands. Well, we’ve got squirrels. People here freak out when I tell them that. Nah, no idea why. Australians are weird. No offence. It’s a good weird. Most of the time.

I talked to my parents and brother yesterday evening, which was nice. I liked it. My brother is an idiot, it’s great. They told me my accent is changing. Not if you ask me, though. I reckon it’s still the same. After that, I should’ve gone to sleep but I didn’t. It took me quite a while. Not even completely my fault. Okay, maybe it was, but still. As a result, getting up was way more difficult than it should’ve been. But I didn’t fall asleep in class. Go me. I’m a good student.

Today I found out that I’m so indecisive it’s annoying. Good thing I brought a die with me. How convenient. No life changing decisions were made, though. As far as I know, that is. Speaking of life changing decisions, I’m not even allowed to get married here. Yeah, I know, I don’t get it either. Like, really? Come on, guys. I may be a teenager, but I haven’t completely lost my ability to think.

Kiana just painted my toe nails. Yeah, that’s right. They’re pink now. Girl stuff is dumb. It takes forever to dry. Jeez. Anyway, she’s gonna give me a makeover. Fun. I’m okay with it, though. Change is good. And I definitely need it. She knows what she’s talking about, so I’ll just let her. Now I’m sure I won’t be the same person when I get back. At least not in that aspect. I reckon it’s just something I need to get used to. It’s all part of the experience. Go big or go home.

I finally found a spot for the ‘Moments’ thing I got from a friend for my birthday (thanks again, Kim). Took me long enough. Pretty much every card I got for my birthday and departure is on there. I like it, it looks nice. It’s a good feeling, knowing that people think of me. I might send a few cards myself. No promises, though.

You know, I’m still not fully aware of the fact that I’m in Australia. Sometimes I listen to people speak and wonder why they talk in English. Also, it took me a week to remember the Dutch word for ‘steering wheel’. I wish I was kidding. It’s only been three weeks. Imagine what it’ll be like 6 months from now.

How are you all doing? I know I don’t really talk to any of you. But I really want to thank you again. For supporting me, catching me if I fall, letting me know you won’t forget about me. I just don’t know what to say. Many words die on the tongue. All I can say is that I appreciate it. You don’t even know.

Remember, you can do unbelievable things if you believe. The sky is the limit? Let me tell you, it’s not. Turn your dreams into plans. Show them what you’re made of. Make a difference.

Enjoy your day,

Laura

Annoyance and Appreciation

Hi everyone,

Another one? I know, but I just really feel like writing. It’s a bad idea to waste my precious time and energy on things I can’t control. That doesn’t even make sense. But hey, I’m human. With feelings and everything. Especially at night. Normally I just talk to a friend and bother them with my ranting. Thanks to time zones, I can’t just do that. Writing it down in my own notebook doesn’t quite cover it, which is why I’m writing this for all of you to read. But no Facebook post this time and no email to those on the list. I’m warning you, this will be boring and personal. You might as well stop reading now.

I’m slightly getting more and more annoyed with my year. They’re all so self-centred, it makes talking to new people pretty hard. I try, I really do, but they just refuse to cooperate. The new kid just isn’t that interesting any more. I hung out with a few other kids today. Not really my kind of people either. I kind of gave up on trying to find people similar to my friends at home. They’re one of a kind and this only makes me appreciate them more. Kiana doesn’t have the same problem. She went on retreat for 3 days. A religious bonding sort of thing. It’s not as bad as it sounds, really. But yeah, she’s already found herself some friends.

Let me just take this opportunity to talk about Kiana. She’s so lovely, I’m lucky to have her as my host sister. She’s great. And she talks a lot, which I don’t mind at all. Thanks to that, I don’t have to talk that much myself. I can just observe and do my own thing. It’s nice talking to her, though. She’s like the older sister I never had. Oh wait, I’m older. Right, I constantly need to remind myself. Yeah, I’m not that great at the whole older sibling thing. But it’s good like this. I like it.

She wrote something about me the other day but I only just read it. It made my day, it was so sweet. I should probably tell her that in person. Thing is, I’m not that good with words. I’d rather write someone a letter than talk to them in person. I don’t know why. It’s probably because I seem to think faster than I speak. This also means that I probably won’t tell her in person and that I’ll just appreciate her in silence.

One of the biggest changes here is how polite people are. They apologise so often, it’s actually really cute. When kids bump into me at school, I’m not used to them saying sorry. And it’s true; Australians are pretty laid back and relaxed. In general, that is. I’ve got this one teacher and she’s not relaxed at all. I don’t like being around her. She stresses me out, and I only get to see her 10 minutes a day. Go figure.

Anyway, the other thing I wanted to write about is how people address me. I get called ‘darling’ quite a lot. Not used to that at all. I like the change, though. It makes me feel appreciated. I mean, sure, my parents use the Dutch versions of such words a lot but it’s not the same. It may be just the fact that it’s in English, though. I don’t know, could be.

That’s about it. All in all, I’m feeling a lot better, mainly thanks to Kiana and one of my friends. If you wonder who said friend is, it probably isn’t you. I just don’t want to use their name all the time, cause, you know, it’s pathetic. In other news, Valentine’s Day is coming up. For once in my life, I’m pretty excited about that. I’m actually looking forward to it. No, I haven’t met anyone. It’s not like that at all. Not gonna explain it to you. I guess it’s for me to know and for you to never find out.

As usual, thanks for the comments. I like comments (hint). Especially nice ones (hint).

Enjoy your day,

Laura